It's been interesting to observe how people interact with my boss, Julie. Julie has cerebral palsy and uses a wheelchair to get around. No matter someone's background, people are typically very nice to her and even go out of their way to open a door, say "Have a nice day," or some other nice gesture. I often hear discussion about the fact that racism still exists in our country/world. But it's been interesting to see that race doesn't play into this situation. The kind of responses I see from people around Julie are all the same, said with the same tone and intent regardless of what race the person saying it is.
I'm not really sure how my thoughts will develop until I write it out, but basically it got me thinking. Julie has a disability that is obvious to the eye. It is a physical disability. People notice it and feel that their response should be to behave nicer to her than they would normally do to another person. It got me thinking... I wonder how life would be if the "disability" or "disabilities" each of us have were obvious, or possible to be physically seen by others. Not that emotional or some other kind of baggage counts as a disability, but I guess I'm thinking of the things in our lives that really alter our approach in life, or how we are/aren't capable of dealing with various life situations. Maybe someone had a traumatic experience in their childhood - or even the day before... like some life-changing experience where they are left seemingly permanently altered. There will now be certain situations where they will never be able to handle what is going on. Not that this is a disability. But it is, nevertheless, who they are now.
Again, not really sure what I'm getting at. I don't think I have a point. I just wonder if we would interact with those around us differently, with strangers on the street differently, if we were able to see immediately the kind of things going on in their lives.
One stupid comparison I have made is comparing Julie's disability to traumatic events in others' lives. Julie doesn't see her disability as a tragedy. When asked if she had the choice to not be disabled, she said she wouldn't choose that - she would remain disabled. It is all she has known of life, and doesn't bother her. So I am insensitive for making such a comparison. But these are thoughts that have stemmed from being out and about with Julie, so I'm just being honest and trying to hash through what's going on in my mind, regardless of the fact that it reveals me as being a bit of a jerk.
I want to try to remember this and when I see people on the street or people I know really well... I want to remember that they probably have had something crazy happen in their life, whether years ago or moments ago. Not that we all need to be catered to or treated like we live in a thin, glass cage that's about to crack and burst. But maybe I should at least keep in mind that you never really know what someone has gone through in their life. You don't know someone's story... and we all have a story. We ALL have a story.
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It was crazy to see the title of your post pop up in my reader. I have had the toughest time today dealing (personally and theologically) with a person with a disability. I guess the guy's "condition" would be a fixational personality similar to Asperger's Syndrome. I worked with him at church today (for several hours).
To be honest, being around him is an energy drain. But I felt it was human to engage with him and hear his . . . yes, story. Turns out his parents were divorced (as was he), and he's really looking for a father figure. Even though he's ten years older than me, he calls me Dad.
While that's extremely significant, there's a part of me that's scared that if I get in too deep with him, suddenly all my time will be taken by him. (That's an exaggeration.) But I'm at the busiest time I've ever had, and if I want to continue having a job, I need put much of my time there. (A strange thought to have this early; he's not been THAT demanding.)
My thought was, most people who either have a strong emotional/public filter or just a really good life wouldn't ever engage me like this friend did, and I can't say I would seek it. But because his story is so rough coupled with his condition, he really needs people who care. I typically tend toward people who are intellectually stimulating and low-maintenance. But this brought to the fore the idea that I need to treat everyone as truly human. I hope I'm as caring for people who "only have scars" as I tried to be for a person with "scars and a condition."
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