Music!!!!!

Things are EXCITING right now. I'm trying to work out the kinks in the 6th song I've written. I've been saying that if I can get 6, I'll record them in a studio somewhere to send CDs out to friends/family. The coolest part is that the 5th song, which was written just a few nights before the 6th song, has also needed major work... but then my friend Katrina had an idea. She and I have been wanting to get together sometime anyway to try collaborating on a song. She realized, and I felt the same way, that my 5th song could be blended with her rapping in it as well. So we're working on it... and I have to say.... I AM EXCITED. I love how it sounds. I love how she raps in it, I love how my chorus part kicks in, I love the lyrics... I just love it. We've only got one verse at this point, but there's only going to be two or three anyway. It's going to be.... so cool. All I keep thinking is that this is exciting. :):):):):)

Open Mic

I performed my first open mic ever last night. I was sooooooo nervous for the time leading up to my song. Once I started strumming, it didn't all melt away, but it felt more comfortable. It was so weird hearing my voice through a microphone. Much, much, MUCH different than when I just play in my room. Kind of sounded to me like I was flat the whole time, 'cause it was difficult to match up my voice (which sounded like it was 3 feet in front of me) with my guitar. But I just figured, I've played half the song flat already, might as well finish it flat and be consistent. But I guess it wasn't really flat. I'm rambling... but that kind of reflects my immediate mood after finishing playing. I had the jitters, couldn't stop smiling... it was good. I'm glad my friends encouraged my to do it, and that so many of them showed up to support me! Got some good feedback from other bar patrons, too. Overall, an excellent night. I don't know how to post videos on blogs, so if anyone knows, I'd love the input. For now, go to my friend Roger's youtube video that he took:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UAp4wit-4vU

Persons with Disabilities

It's been interesting to observe how people interact with my boss, Julie. Julie has cerebral palsy and uses a wheelchair to get around. No matter someone's background, people are typically very nice to her and even go out of their way to open a door, say "Have a nice day," or some other nice gesture. I often hear discussion about the fact that racism still exists in our country/world. But it's been interesting to see that race doesn't play into this situation. The kind of responses I see from people around Julie are all the same, said with the same tone and intent regardless of what race the person saying it is.

I'm not really sure how my thoughts will develop until I write it out, but basically it got me thinking. Julie has a disability that is obvious to the eye. It is a physical disability. People notice it and feel that their response should be to behave nicer to her than they would normally do to another person. It got me thinking... I wonder how life would be if the "disability" or "disabilities" each of us have were obvious, or possible to be physically seen by others. Not that emotional or some other kind of baggage counts as a disability, but I guess I'm thinking of the things in our lives that really alter our approach in life, or how we are/aren't capable of dealing with various life situations. Maybe someone had a traumatic experience in their childhood - or even the day before... like some life-changing experience where they are left seemingly permanently altered. There will now be certain situations where they will never be able to handle what is going on. Not that this is a disability. But it is, nevertheless, who they are now.

Again, not really sure what I'm getting at. I don't think I have a point. I just wonder if we would interact with those around us differently, with strangers on the street differently, if we were able to see immediately the kind of things going on in their lives.

One stupid comparison I have made is comparing Julie's disability to traumatic events in others' lives. Julie doesn't see her disability as a tragedy. When asked if she had the choice to not be disabled, she said she wouldn't choose that - she would remain disabled. It is all she has known of life, and doesn't bother her. So I am insensitive for making such a comparison. But these are thoughts that have stemmed from being out and about with Julie, so I'm just being honest and trying to hash through what's going on in my mind, regardless of the fact that it reveals me as being a bit of a jerk.

I want to try to remember this and when I see people on the street or people I know really well... I want to remember that they probably have had something crazy happen in their life, whether years ago or moments ago. Not that we all need to be catered to or treated like we live in a thin, glass cage that's about to crack and burst. But maybe I should at least keep in mind that you never really know what someone has gone through in their life. You don't know someone's story... and we all have a story. We ALL have a story.

New Year

I thought of writing about the things I would like to focus on in the New Year... 2009. I guess in a way, that's what I'll be doing. But what I wanted to do was briefly reflect on my 2008. I'm pretty happy with how the year went. It was definitely an eventful one for me. I finished my degree. I went to Germany. I moved to Oakland. I got a job that was NOT the graveyard shift... breath of fresh air. It really felt like a year of new beginnings for me. I ended a long relationship, so it was also a year of endings.

I think back about 2008 and what comes to mind is faces. The people I saw the first few months... the new people I met when I went to Germany... the people I was reunited with when I came back... the new people I've met just in the past few months... I guess I'm just really grateful to have these people in my life. And sad that I can't keep Victor in my life in some way. What would we all be without each other? The true necessity of each person in my life is felt when they are no longer a part of it, or not as present in it as they once were. Each person really brings out something different in me. I wonder what I bring out in each of them, if anything at all?

This year has no foreseeable big changes coming. If I do pursue a second degree in nursing, I won't be ready to start that till at least 2010. So I plan to continue working at my job, stay in the Oakland area, and... that's about it as far as big plans go for this year. I will have a new nephew in February or March. That's big. And I'll finally be playing basketball again. That's really big for me. And play at my first open mic. It'll be interesting to look back in a year and see what else has filled in the gaps. I wonder what new faces I will see when I reflect on 2009. Or if any faces I currently see will no longer be in the picture.

Who did you start your New Year with? I started mine with my best friend, Kristen. I was exactly where I wanted to be at 12:01am. Then I had a great car ride up later in the day as I drove back up to the Bay area with a couple of good friends. With people like this in my life, no wonder it's hard those evenings I have nothing planned after work. I wonder to myself why I'm not with one of these amazing people in my life? So then I pick up my phone...

I hope you've been calling people, seeing people, writing to people. Do it, if you haven't been.