I decided not to stay with the job that started on Tuesday. It was a bad fit for me, too much of approaching people, sales sales sales. This new job I got yesterday is as an insurance agent for a company that sells supplemental health/life insurance to union workers. Being the only health insurance company in the U.S. that is itself unionized, it is the only one in this market (since unions usually only buy the services of other union companies when possible), so business keeps growing, and is stable since it's been around since 1924. The downside is it'll be a while till I get a paycheck, since I first have to dish out some money to take training classes and then take the state exam to get my license. Then go through 2 or so weeks of training learning the presentation and how to make appointments, etc. But as soon as I get that down, I'm able to meet with people and sell stuff, which means paycheck for me. What's better about this job than the last is that the people have already said they're interested. They got something in the mail from their union, and filled out a card if they wanted to find out more info and look into supplemental benefits and mailed that in to us. So I will be calling them back, setting up an appointment to meet with them in their home, and going to meet with them and see if they really do want extra insurance or not.
Yes, it is not exactly up my alley. But in the mean time no one else responds to me except these kinds of jobs, so I don't think it's wise to sit around unemployed because I'm being picky. I'll give it a couple months and see if it's a good fit for me and bringing in enough money to pay the bills. If not, I've written another song or two recently, so I can always play my guitar on street corners. Hey... that actually sounds really nice...
It's Labor Day weekend. What are you up to? I'll hopefully meet up with a friend and her family to chill... then do some online training to get ready to take the licensing exam. I know, CRAZY fun. Side note: you should be following the Cubs if you haven't been. I've been predicting they'd win it all this year since about 3-4 years ago. Those of you who've talked to me about the Cubs in that time know this to be true. So mark my words.
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Postponing Sleep
I should really be sleeping right now, since I have an early day tomorrow. So this time I'm procrastinating from sleeping - an opportunity I rarely postpone, but tonight I will.
Life has not really been going as planned lately. Not that everything is all haywire, but things just happen differently than one would expect sometimes. I find myself... confused, surprised... often. I have a job now, which I start tomorrow. But even though the job will not be all that bad, I know it's not one I'm going to want to stick with, nor do I think it will give me enough money to pay bills and move out any time soon... even though I do have to move out soon. So why did I take the job? I guess just to get a little money while I continue the job search. I've never had a job that's based 100% on commission, but this one will be, which is not going to work for me, but I'll do my best to get by till something else comes along. Then there are other areas of life. I find that lately how I respond to things that happen to me personally end up being responses that catch me off guard. Where I might've always responded one way to a situation, I find that I feel very differently now. Why is that? Why do we feel so differently when presented with exactly the same circumstances? I guess this is a good reminder that we don't always have life as figured out as we'd like to think we do. I often think that I know myself better than I know anyone. But that has been far from true these past days. So it's been weird, often unsettling, to go through this. But I guess it's good... to get to know myself again. Right?
On another note, I've started smoking again after 2 1/2 years, while simultaneously trying to get back into working out/weights/cardio stuff. Seems counter-productive, but each scratches a different itch. I also wrote another song on my guitar after also about a 2 1/2 year spell of producing nothing. Although I don't like this one... too repetitive, not creative, and the words are just ... words. Not artistic. That's when I realized that I was probably just using that time to vent and express what I've been feeling lately. And it came out as a crappy song which you will never hear. When I come up with something better, you will hear it. Probably on every radio station a million times a day.
Random other thought: now whenever I hear a Kooks song, I think of Germany, 'cause that's where I first heard the band's music. I love how music is so strongly connected to memories, 'cause my memory sucks most of the time. Like the Green Day albums Dookie, Insomniac, and Nimrod always take me back to 9th and 10th grade. Or the first Third Eye Blind album always reminds me of my 11th grade in the U.S., and the song My Hero from that reminds me of my brother Nathan and when I said goodbye to him one time that year, and after he left I played that song over and over. Or... well, lots of others. So I'm glad for music and it's ability to make some memories crystal clear. That can be a curse, sometimes, too. But mostly... nice.
This hasn't been humorous. But I never promised that. These entries reflect my thoughts usually, which aren't light and bouncy, but more pensive lately. Bear with me and the humor will return. That I do promise.
Life has not really been going as planned lately. Not that everything is all haywire, but things just happen differently than one would expect sometimes. I find myself... confused, surprised... often. I have a job now, which I start tomorrow. But even though the job will not be all that bad, I know it's not one I'm going to want to stick with, nor do I think it will give me enough money to pay bills and move out any time soon... even though I do have to move out soon. So why did I take the job? I guess just to get a little money while I continue the job search. I've never had a job that's based 100% on commission, but this one will be, which is not going to work for me, but I'll do my best to get by till something else comes along. Then there are other areas of life. I find that lately how I respond to things that happen to me personally end up being responses that catch me off guard. Where I might've always responded one way to a situation, I find that I feel very differently now. Why is that? Why do we feel so differently when presented with exactly the same circumstances? I guess this is a good reminder that we don't always have life as figured out as we'd like to think we do. I often think that I know myself better than I know anyone. But that has been far from true these past days. So it's been weird, often unsettling, to go through this. But I guess it's good... to get to know myself again. Right?
On another note, I've started smoking again after 2 1/2 years, while simultaneously trying to get back into working out/weights/cardio stuff. Seems counter-productive, but each scratches a different itch. I also wrote another song on my guitar after also about a 2 1/2 year spell of producing nothing. Although I don't like this one... too repetitive, not creative, and the words are just ... words. Not artistic. That's when I realized that I was probably just using that time to vent and express what I've been feeling lately. And it came out as a crappy song which you will never hear. When I come up with something better, you will hear it. Probably on every radio station a million times a day.
Random other thought: now whenever I hear a Kooks song, I think of Germany, 'cause that's where I first heard the band's music. I love how music is so strongly connected to memories, 'cause my memory sucks most of the time. Like the Green Day albums Dookie, Insomniac, and Nimrod always take me back to 9th and 10th grade. Or the first Third Eye Blind album always reminds me of my 11th grade in the U.S., and the song My Hero from that reminds me of my brother Nathan and when I said goodbye to him one time that year, and after he left I played that song over and over. Or... well, lots of others. So I'm glad for music and it's ability to make some memories crystal clear. That can be a curse, sometimes, too. But mostly... nice.
This hasn't been humorous. But I never promised that. These entries reflect my thoughts usually, which aren't light and bouncy, but more pensive lately. Bear with me and the humor will return. That I do promise.
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Nice Display
This morning I enjoyed a peaceful morning sitting outside at my friend's house, leaning back, breathing in fresh morning air. It really is so good, so needed, so amazing to just sit and do absolutely nothing sometimes. I really needed that this morning, and it helped.
At one point my eyes were fixed on an object in front of me. It was a fountain that was turned off. I looked at it, saw the base of it about half-full of water. My initial thought was, "It looks like it needs more water." It made me think, as most things do. I thought, there are times in our lives when we are a bit dry... we know we're supposed to have more water, and we want to have more water. But until that happens, what should we do? I think sometimes we behave like fountains. Once it is turned on, the water begins to flow, up up up and out the top, spraying beautifully into the next level, and further down to the next level, and the next, until the water returns to the bottom basin, and is recycled again back through the same process. It suddenly looks like the fountain is teeming with life. Anyone who passes by even stops to admire its full beauty. I think we have ways of making things look like they are going well. Many of us are able to manipulate what we have to pretend like things are better than they are. Or, taking it from another angle, we are able to make the most of what we have, turning something seemingly dry and empty into something great. But it's the former thought that was at the forefront of my mind as I sat there this morning. I thought... no matter how much water I spray around, there is still only the same amount of water in me as when the fountain was off. What is in me has not changed... only how I project it to others has.
I need to be watered.
At one point my eyes were fixed on an object in front of me. It was a fountain that was turned off. I looked at it, saw the base of it about half-full of water. My initial thought was, "It looks like it needs more water." It made me think, as most things do. I thought, there are times in our lives when we are a bit dry... we know we're supposed to have more water, and we want to have more water. But until that happens, what should we do? I think sometimes we behave like fountains. Once it is turned on, the water begins to flow, up up up and out the top, spraying beautifully into the next level, and further down to the next level, and the next, until the water returns to the bottom basin, and is recycled again back through the same process. It suddenly looks like the fountain is teeming with life. Anyone who passes by even stops to admire its full beauty. I think we have ways of making things look like they are going well. Many of us are able to manipulate what we have to pretend like things are better than they are. Or, taking it from another angle, we are able to make the most of what we have, turning something seemingly dry and empty into something great. But it's the former thought that was at the forefront of my mind as I sat there this morning. I thought... no matter how much water I spray around, there is still only the same amount of water in me as when the fountain was off. What is in me has not changed... only how I project it to others has.
I need to be watered.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Awkward
I'm sitting in Cincinnati, waiting for my connecting flight to San Francisco. This is the final leg of my travels. Soon (hopefully) I will join the workforce again, be studying again, be burning the midnight oil... again.
I find myself in an awkward situation sometimes. Not only when I write the word "awkward," since it just looks awkward. But also like the time when I was just buying a couple postcards from the store here in the airport. As I was getting ready to pay, the lady said "Would you like to donate a dollar to go towards research for children's diabetes?"
Great. Thanks. If I say yes, I've given a dollar to one of millions of charities that undoubtedly need the money, but I just can't give to them all. If I say no, I'm basically going to hell.
I said no. Now whenever I hear about an innocent child suffering from fluctuating sugar levels or an adult awaiting an organ transplant due to diabetes complications, or someone perhaps dying from such an affliction, I will be thinking, "Way to go, Amber. You killed her. For a dollar."
I think they should just rephrase the question, that's all. So I can feel better about being a jerk.
I find myself in an awkward situation sometimes. Not only when I write the word "awkward," since it just looks awkward. But also like the time when I was just buying a couple postcards from the store here in the airport. As I was getting ready to pay, the lady said "Would you like to donate a dollar to go towards research for children's diabetes?"
Great. Thanks. If I say yes, I've given a dollar to one of millions of charities that undoubtedly need the money, but I just can't give to them all. If I say no, I'm basically going to hell.
I said no. Now whenever I hear about an innocent child suffering from fluctuating sugar levels or an adult awaiting an organ transplant due to diabetes complications, or someone perhaps dying from such an affliction, I will be thinking, "Way to go, Amber. You killed her. For a dollar."
I think they should just rephrase the question, that's all. So I can feel better about being a jerk.
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