A Serious Musician...

I just read one of my old posts from three years ago talking about recording a CD. Okay, maybe it's finally time. Once I get over this sickness I've had, I'm going to take a trip down to L.A. where my friend has the equipment to throw together some kind of CD for me. Then I will sell them and become instantly famous and rich and retire my sane life for a like of sex, drugs, and rock n roll. ...Or I'll just use the profits to buy a truck and keeping doing what I'm passionate about (carpentry).

Or I'll pass out my demo CDs to local spots and not hear back from them... forever being limited to performing "gigs" on the sidewalk. Which I did once, in the Castro one night when I was bored. I played my music for about an hour, and made $18.01 plus an unopened beer from a local brewery that a girl set down next to me. So there's always that option...

Mouse

Troggle seems to be surviving not having new toys. She caught, tortured for about two hours, and killed an adorable little mouse. Despite not being a vegetarian, I don't deal too well with animals in pain. I can't watch the stampede scene in Lion King, hate when Bambi's mom or dad or whoever it was dies. And couldn't handle hearing little squeaks outside my door this morning. But I distracted myself because I didn't have the willpower or emotional energy to deal with it and put the mouse out of its misery myself. I reminded myself that it's the whole balance of life. Predators and prey and all that. Natural selection. Now there's a mouse with its innards exposed laying in my hallway. ...just put him in a plastic bag til I know what to do next. My stomach has dropped... I feel sad and also confused at why this is affecting me. I think I'll bury him in the backyard, 'cause I'm not sure what else to do with a dead mouse. I don't want him stinking up my garbage can, plus my guess is he was a cool mouse, and a cool mouse deserves a funeral.

Troggle

So one of my cats, Troggle, has taken up playing with toys again. Except that I only have one cat toy left anymore... it's a little brown mouse with green ears and black, beady eyes. So for about a week now, the mouse has been completely torn apart, and only the white cottony stuff that was on the inside is left on the floor. So she keeps playing with white cottony stuff, rolling around with it, biting it, tossing it in the air. ...am I a horrible Mama that needs to finally buy another toy? Or is Troggle thrilled that she finally gutted the mouse, and simply loves tossing the innards of her prey around in the air all the time? I don't want to rob her of this joy by distracting her with a new toy if that is the case.

In other news, after asking a bar owner I've become familiar with if I could play a gig at her place, she said instead I can host an open mic night, and then I'll get to play my songs intermittently between the other artists who show up. !! That's as good as a gig to me. Except that I have to host the night, and I don't really know what that involves or should involve. Also, she wants a name for the night, and I was just thinking it would be called Open Mic at Stray Bar (it's called Stray Bar - they're a dog-friendly bar). But I'm wondering if she wants something more catchy? Anyway, suggestions are beyond welcome. Also, anyone who reads this that lives remotely close to San Francisco must get in contact with me so I can give you more info about it, because you HAVE TO COME SUPPORT ME. Matt, my wonderful brother, I know you live in England, but that's no excuse. It's also no excuse, because I've scheduled the night for November 30th, when you will be here visiting me!!!! So you'll finally get to see me play my songs! Or a handful of them, anyway.

Anyway, I think he's the only one who reads my blog that'll be able to attend. The rest of you live far away. Or stopped reading. So... good things happening in my life. :)

Back at it

Finally back at it. It seems that when I'm in a relationship, I don't blog as much. Freshly out of a long (long for me) relationship and find myself rediscovering my blog again. Why? Do I simply want to be heard?... by anyone that'll read? I think I actually process what I'm thinking better when I unleash my fingers on a keyboard. They type a little faster than my brain processes things, so I often find myself talking to myself, if you know what I mean.

I don't have anything profound to say this time around- simply announcing that I'm alive and back. The purpose of this blog was to be a procrastination tool. I hope it still fully serves that purpose, for both you and me. Without school in my life anymore (for the past few years now), I lack opportunity to procrastinate. Tonight I guess it's sleep that I'm putting off. Sometimes I'm just not ready to end my day. Even when my body's tired, and I'm safe in my home and have hours and hours ahead of me to enjoy beautiful rest. I sometimes still feel this compelling need to stay awake and direct my thoughts... somewhere. To someone. Or no one at all. The recipient is irrelevant. What's key is that the thoughts get written out... that the thoughts keep coming, and sleep waiting in the near distance.

All this talk about all these thoughts, and I have none to produce tonight. Well, I'm back anyway, and hopefully back again soon with... actual thoughts.

Anybody out there...?

I was going through and cleaning out my bookmarks toolbar on my computer and found a link to this blog. I actually had forgotten about it. So I'm assuming most others - of the thousands I got fan mail from back when I was writing in here more often - have forgotten about it as well. Well... surprise! I'm back. At least for this one moment.

So... for the first time in my life (being 27, that's not saying much) I got laid off. Haven't worked at my last job since... my birthday. So a little over 3 weeks ago. Worked a few days since then, just random one-day jobs that I found in Craigslist's "gigs" section. ...which I'm afraid to even mention here, lest other Bay-area people catch on and compete with me for these jobs.

I want to get into construction/remodeling as a profession. It would be awesome to build my own house one day. And cooler to have my own company that's not run by a complete moron. But for now, those jobs are hard to come by, so I'm having to settle. Actually there is no settling happening at all. That would imply employment. I've started applying to non-profit jobs, which are ALL admin assistant positions, basically. I'm not much of an office worker, but if the organization is about something I'm really into, then that makes it more worth it. But I will miss wearing my paint-splattered clothes and heading out to a job site to make something with my hands. I will really miss that. Granted, I was mostly doing painting for most of my last job, but the times when I did other things (like flooring or siding), it was really cool. I applied to an apprenticeship program as a way to get back into it, but apparently the soonest I'll be able to get in is a few months from now, so we'll see...

I've also always wanted to learn auto maintenance/repair. I would still love to get a job in that, except I don't really know much more than brakes and oil changes.

I loved kittens as a child. Then I became more of a cat-hater in my teenage and young adult years. I now have two kittens. And I love them. Fyodor (who is a depressed little man, much like the author) and Polly (who is a polydactyl). I want them to meow less in the mornings, and smell less when they drop a big one in the litter box... but I can't really blame them for either.

I am incredibly uninspired right now, which is a bad time to pick up blogging again. I'm just getting sick of filtering through Craigslist postings for gigs and for jobs and finding little that appeals. Still sending off lots of resumes, but nothing I'm excited about. Nothing that gets me nearly as crazy and ecstatic as being able to post a blog.

Birthdays!

I have been reminded why I love birthdays so much. So far, my daily routine hasn't changed, except that my boss treated me to breakfast and lunch, as opposed to just buying me lunch. That aside, it's been a regular day. But I've been so happy all day. Why? Because it's my birthday. And why am I happy on my birthday? Because it's the one day a year that I know for sure I'm going to hear from people I haven't heard from in ages as well as the folks I have the pleasure of seeing almost every day. Even though it's just a quick "Happy birthday" message, it is just so nice to be reminded of the people I have in my life. Plus I get the special treat mixed in there, like an overseas phone call from my brother and his girlfriend, or package full of random gifts from Mom and Dad... Top that off with giving me a reason to get all my friends together on the weekend to eat delicious food and party???? Birthdays are everything I want in life. Food and loved ones. THAT is why I love birthdays.

Music!!!!!

Things are EXCITING right now. I'm trying to work out the kinks in the 6th song I've written. I've been saying that if I can get 6, I'll record them in a studio somewhere to send CDs out to friends/family. The coolest part is that the 5th song, which was written just a few nights before the 6th song, has also needed major work... but then my friend Katrina had an idea. She and I have been wanting to get together sometime anyway to try collaborating on a song. She realized, and I felt the same way, that my 5th song could be blended with her rapping in it as well. So we're working on it... and I have to say.... I AM EXCITED. I love how it sounds. I love how she raps in it, I love how my chorus part kicks in, I love the lyrics... I just love it. We've only got one verse at this point, but there's only going to be two or three anyway. It's going to be.... so cool. All I keep thinking is that this is exciting. :):):):):)